My Meandering Mind

I quit giving. It's almost been a year since I resolved that I would do an act of kindness every week and blog about it here. There were days sure, I helped where I could, donated and tithed my paychecks, but that doesn't count. I know it in my heart.

See, the thing is, I'm a coward.

I quit giving because my giving wasn't received. I still cringe a little at the fistful of flowers I had planted in the snow thrown into the street. Not one to give up immediately, I decided that maybe I just needed to set my sights on bigger visions. Serve Bigger. Love Bigger.

But I am no big person. I am only me, just one--and lately feeling completely insignificant person who is unworthy of giving to the world anyway.

The message is given over and over. First in kindness and now in yoga. I used to teach, have a lot of people in my classes, but when I began working full time, fell in love, and started a Master's program, I had less time to teach. So people drifted to other classes. Or maybe they drifted because my worst fears are true: I am an unworthy teacher. My messages are worthless, what I give to the world is of little to no value.

So I quit giving--because I couldn't give as big as the prom at the nursing home every week. And my little random acts of kindness, maybe were just random and stupid to the receiver. Coward!

Because a courageous heart would keep on giving regardless of the results. Forgive me for my meandering mind and trembling heart. I am trying to be more brave. I will give again on this Thursday. Revive Sweet Thursdays and maybe in 2011 have the courage to continue what I started, without being attached to the results.

That's the only choice isn't it? To keep giving even if people don't want to receive. To keep loving, even when your love is nothing special. Mother Theresa said, "In this world we cannot do great things, only small things with great love." I can give. Continue to live my small life with the greatest amount of love and gratitude possible.

So I will try.

I am so grateful for everyone who helped to make this event happen. It was such a blessing to be able to see my idea come to fruition by the helping hands of so many others. Who says the world isn't full of kindness? Of beauty? Of people who are capable of inspiring others with their shocking grace and compassion? If there's any doubt, let it be seen here:
































The event was a success---so much so that yesterday I overheard that a woman who hadn't walked in 11 months was inspired to try again. I had help from Crystal and Jackie with hair and make-up, Meredith and my parents came to help set up decorations, the whole Churchill family made the vent with their dancing, beauty, and compassion for others---and several gorgeous high school girls arrived to model the dresses of today. The room blossomed with smiles and dance and laughter, and my heart is alive with so much gratitude and inspiration for how amazing this world is--or at least my little corner of it.

I'm sorry

To anyone who actually might read this, I'm sorry. I have been doing Acts of Kindness, but man have I been slacking about actually sitting down to blog. So....here are a few highlights:

Today Will Be A Good Day:

It's amazing, isn't it? The power of words. It's almost as if they have the power to cast spells over us. Hear something enough, and you begin to believe it, and believe it and you begin to see it all around you. So I chose a few simple words, wrote them on pretty spring-colored card stock with scalloped edges, tied ribbon to them and attached them to:

I found these gorgeous Vicotrianesque roses on sale at City Market, and they were too beautiful not to share.






So I left a rose and a note on various windshields and doorsteps before work.








And I don't know about anyone else's day, but mine was really great.

Also in the highlights:

For friends who have been sick with icky spring colds, or who are super-stressed because this time of year always gets so busy for teachers, I have been making lavender-rose bath salts. They smell amazing and have detoxifying and relaxing properties because of the essential oils in them. I know this isn't exactly random, but I have made them for quite a few people now.











Working on the prom--not much time left, and still soooo much to do. Any one want to chaperone? :)

Sweet Thursdays are Saturdays or Sundays

More and more often. I'm sorry I haven't written for the last two Thursdays about my acts of kindness! I'm not so sure they are the best to advertise, because I don't know how legal they are...

This time of year, I always am craving new music--spring is such a beautiful time for new beginnings. So to share in the music I find, I make mix cd's and leave them in random places around town, on the windshields of people's cars, front steps..I've even sent out a few in the mail to friends who have been feeling down.

I'm sure it doesn't necessarily comply with anti-piracy laws, but maybe the reproduction of music for a good cause can be forgiven?

Do It Anyway..I will--but on Saturday.

Another completely hectic week. Forty hours at work, four hours in the weeee hours of morning subbing for a friend's yoga class, frantically studying for my March 15 mid-term, writing proposals and drafting prom plans for the nursing home, and my brother is home for spring break!

So my act of kindness will have to wait until Saturday. I already have it planned :)
For now, I stumbled upon these inspiring words today, said to have been tacked to Mother Teresa's wall in Calcutta:

"Do it Anyway"

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Turning A New Page

So, I was frustrated. My attempt to provide a little magic and wonder by planting fistfulls of Gerber daisies in the snow on random front lawns did not provoke magic and wonder in many of the receivers. One house took them in, but 3 left them--or worse--threw them in the street.

Generally, I'm not giving with attachment to response, but I am doing this to make small differences in people's every day lives. To bring beauty, magic, wonder, curiousity, belief in the good--in small ways in the lives of others every week. The castaway daisies made me rethink some things. So on Thursday, I did no small act of kindness. I thought about how to make a bigger impact, how to bring more of the community together, how to care for those who might need or welcome it with a little more warmth.

And I wrote up a proposal Thursday night, pitched it to the Activities Director at E.Dene Moore on Friday, and got the green light to:

Plan a Prom at the Nursing Home! on April 24th. I am hoping to get local hairdressers to style the women's hair that afternoon, and I have permission to borrow decorations from the high school prom which is the week before. I'm thinking Glen Miller and Cole Porter and wheeling people around the dance floor. I'm thinking the women deserve tiarra's if they want them, and punch if allowed, and maybe a red carpet walk with some of the kids from the high school decked out in their best from the week before.

I will have a lot of planning and work to do before then, and after this week, I'll continue with my small acts of kindness; but this way I can bring more people together and maybe make a bigger difference in the small corner of the world I'm living in.

Better late than never?

Okay, I actually did this on Thursday, but I have been house sitting all week in a house with no internet. Today I ventured home for more than 15 minutes, and finally am catching up on long overdue on-line errands.

If you're local (assuming anyone reads this at all :), you'll remember the nasty snowstorm that came Saturday and Sunday. How blessed are we this Sunday with blue skies? Anyway, Glenwood is a winter wonderland, and I was frosty and bitter about the cold. It's wearing on me, this lack of spring. But enough grump! I decided some color was in order.

Gerber daises are bright, beautiful and can seem like sunshine where there is none. So I bought two bunches, and split them into five smaller bouquets. Early Thursday morning (5:30 a.m.), I was out the door with fistfulls of color. I planted them in yards at random in the snow.

I don't know if anyone brought them in from the cold, but this small act brightened my day and warmed my soul.

I didn't forget.

Thursday passed and no kind act was committed. At least not the one I have planned. It's in the works.

Lately, I have been hearing birds--singing as if they new spring was coming. Singing as if they were creating the very existence of spring. And I was thinking how joyful the sound, how beautiful they are---small and happy even in this relentless winter. I got to thinking about those little pine cone bird feeders. And about how my grandma has about 5 bird feeders around her house. Watching them makes her happy this time of year. So I decided that I'd make 5 or so of the pine cone bird feeders and hang them from people's trees (late Thursday night, lest I be seen--or caught even!).

At lunch I went to Petco, and found this Organic mix for finches. It took longer than I had expected, and I didn't have time to gather pine cones after work. There is a tree next to our building that drops the perfect kind. Only the weather turned bad, and they were blanketed in snow. So...I thought maybe a craft store might have them. But look as I may, there were no pine cones to be found.

Looks like I will have to make do with what I can find. Sweet Thursday is in the works today---just running a little behind. Will blog later about finished products :)

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Never did find the "right" kind of pine cone. But ventured out in torrential blizzard to the falls, and found these by the fish hatchery. I made 10, and used an empty egg carton as a carrying case:
Then! The fun. Saturday night, I drove around the snowy neighborhoods looking for houses that had trees in the front yard. Looking for houses that looked like people were home, but not close to the front window. I parked a few houses down, and ran across the lawns to hang these feeders from their trees. I hope that the birds found them, and they were blessed Sunday morning and in the weeks to come with song.

Cheers!

These Are the Days of Wonder and Beauty

These are the hard days. The dark days. The days it just isn't yet spring, but you want it to be. These are days we are gaining light, but when you work long hours, you really have to pay attention and make an effort to get up and open your blinds. To let the light in and hold it within you no matter what happens through out the day. So as a reminder, I found a beautiful card with the quote by Paul Simon " These are the Days of Wonder and Beauty". And they are, when we stop to notice it. But sometimes we need a little reminder. So, after work, I kidnapped my boyfriend and forced him to take a really long route to the grocery store. We drove through neighborhoods until we found the right house to leave the card and a candle and votive on someone's porch. I lit the candle, and ran to the get away car. I hope their evening held a small glow from the kindness. And I hope we are all illuminated with love this Valentines Day weekend.

Re-Connecting

A few days after Christmas, I checked my mail after the comings and goings of the busy holiday season and was surprised to find cards from two dear friends I have (regrettably) not talked to in years.

One card was a family picture of one of my best girlfriends from high school. She looked as beautiful as ever, and happy with a huge family!

Another was from my college roomate, who I lost touch with because of my own selfishness and self consciousness. After college, we didn't keep in touch like we once did because of life--relationships, careers, etc. When I received an invitation to her wedding, I went, but didn't stay for the reception because I only knew one other person, and I felt self conscious and a little hurt that I wasn't as close with her as our other roomate. How selfish and foolish am I? So I went home, and this upset her--rightfully so. I was too ashamed to contact her again. And the last couple years, I have tried unsuccessfully to track down an address or phone number. So I was shocked with the realization of what a blessing it was to receive a Christmas card from her.

Getting back in touch with these two beautiful and amazing women has given me such simple and pure joy. So this Thursday, I decided to try to create this same magic in other's lives. On my lunch break, I walked to a local art store and bought beautiful cards made by a local artist. I also bought stamps. After work, I affixed stamps to the envelopes, and put the blank cards inside the plastic wrap they came in. Then, I attached a pretty piece of paper that said: "Someone you know would love to hear from you right now. Use this card and stamp as an opportunity to get in touch with them." I left them on random windshields across town.

My hope is that those cards make the days of both the senders and receivers, that both realize the love that is in their life.

Blessings,

-keri

Does it Count?

This morning I woke up at 5:00 a.m. Nothing special or unusual about that. Only, I neglected my yoga to shovel the remnants of Wednesday's winter storm warning. Maybe four inches. Except, the snow was the wet heavy snow that sticks to the shovel and makes sore your shoulders and back.

I had hoped to shovel both neighbors, but my plan was foiled, because like it or not, I still have to get to work on time. So I only shoveled my driveway and the neighbors closest to my house. I also cleaned off their car and my roomate's. Only...I do this about every time it snows if I have the time. And had the snow not been so wet and heavy, I would have had the time to do a little more, but I didn't.

Does kindness count when you're accustomed to doing it anyway? I'm feeling a little guilty about this. I'm feeling a lot like I should have done something more...

Warmth

It has been one of the coldest winters on record. And today was overcast, the sky hinting at a storm. It's the time of year when seasons affect mood, and the cold and dark days combined with the cold and dark sky are enough to make one want to stay inside and hibernate until spring.

Today, I went for a walk on my lunch break from work. I stopped by the Bluebird cafe (which is adorable) and got two $5 gift certificates to no one in particular and from an anonymous passer by (me). A few weeks ago, we received cards from some organization like the World Wildlife Fund with Polar Bears posing in the arctic snow. Inside, that cards are blank. I wrote: "Here is one way to stay warm in the winter cold." I placed the gift card underneath the words. On the envelopes, I wrote "Hey you!" and "Open Me". As I walked back to the office, I left them in random, highly visible places around town. (See in the tree).

I paused after two women were heading in that direction to watch as they looked at the envelope, and then decided to keep walking so they wouldn't think it was me that had left it there. I don't know if they took it, or if someone else found it. I don't know who found the other one, or if they were warmed by stealing away from the cold and sipping coffee at some corner table.

I do know that something in my soul was warmer, more vibrant, almost giddy for the rest of the afternoon.

Listen

I'm tired this morning. And broke. And things keep breaking in my life that I don't have the money to pay for. My microwave, garage door, oven. I live pay check to pay check. I worry with impressive consistence about my own struggles. Even still, it's a beautiful struggle. Because if I open up my ears to the sounds around me, I can still hear the sound of the river during my lunch walk, birds in the morning, my favorite song on Pandora at work...

And as mundane as those sounds may be, I do not hear, even if I lay low to the ground and listen as carefully as I can, the cries of ones who have lost everything they owned. Which wasn't much to begin with. Even now, I sit as still as a stone. And no. There aren't the muffled cries of those who are dying in the rubble alone. Or the cries of a child who can't find home, his family, not a soul he or she knows. I can't hear the heartbreak of a parent who is scraping for the body of their child, knowing the soul is gone already.



I'm pretty far removed from catastrophe. From the disaster of Haiti. It would be pretty easy to go on about my day unbothered and apathetic. Today, on CNN.com their daily survey asks: "Are you planning on donating money to Haiti?" 66% answered no. These are hard times for us all. These are the times that try men's souls. And all we can do is try, all of us, to scrape by the best way we know how. I can't quit my job and go to Haiti, handing out water to those dying of thirst. I don't even have much money to give. But I have a jar of loose change in my closet, $20 of unspent money I got in a Christmas card. It isn't much, but it's something. And matched with prayer, maybe a miracle can make it into more. Today I will donate to the Red Cross. My measly $30 might not make much of a change, but it isn't going to change my life for the worse to give it away.

If you have time, watch the news. Think about how lucky we all are to have woken up warm bed this morning. To have food on the table. To see the sun rise again and fall on the face of the ones we love. How we are blessed.
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If you do plan on donating, please make sure that it's a legitimate, well established charity.

Surround Sound

Maybe this should have already been blatantly and abundantly clear, but I have come to a conclusion about kindness:

True kindness involves true listening.

It involves more than showing up and bumping into conversations that you have while your mind has its own traffic you attend to. Acts of kindness are the result of being present to listen fully to another. In fact, listening attentively is an act of kindness in itself. My good friend Katie has proven this time and time again. She is the most present listener that I know. Even with her (then two, now three) children running around, she is able to magically be present for each word. I never doubt that I am heard when I am with her. She listens with such presence that it makes me want to say things worth listening to. I want to listen like this.

I'm not there yet. I know about frantic paces, unrealistic expectations, and trying to keep up in this world. But taking breaks from the pace to breathe, to be present, to listen to the world around me isn't something I do often enough.

I've done the smallest amount of research on listening, and found the following for inspiration:

* "Prayer is when you talk to God; Meditation is when you listen to God." - Diana Robinson

* The reality of another person lies not in what he reveals to you, but what he cannot reveal to you. Therefor, if you would understand him, listen not to just what he says, but rather what he does not say." - Kalil Gibran

* "Listen a hundred times, ponder a hundred times, speak once." -Turkish proverb

* "Listening is a strange magnetic thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. "
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I am thinking that listening is an act of love, of leaving room enough for others to grow. It is meditative and holy; it is recognizing the presence of God in front of and around me. It is being surrounded by the song of life unfolding. I am trying to hear , and I have an idea that it takes BEING HERE NOW.

Recipe for Health and Happiness

So here it is. Eve of the first Thursday of a New Year. This is a time for new beginnings, fresh starts, for resolutions (if you make them). My act of kindness this week is centered around helping people fulfill their resolutions to be healthier this year.

On Sunday, I was inspired by a beautiful woman I bumped into while running. The air was crisp, but not biting. The sky fragmented with remnants of a storm that had just past. My ipod was broken! I can see now that there was a good reason for it. Music is a great motivator, but i-pods isolate listeners from the world around them. Had I been plugged in, I might have missed what happened next.

A couple was out shoveling snow, and as I passed, a woman I didn't know initiated a conversation. She gave me compliments on my appearance of health and shared with me that she had lost 30 pounds in the last year and had 15 more to go in 2010. We talked about how sometimes exercise seems counter-intuitive. When you're too tired to exercise, you just feel like staying in, but if you can find it within yourself to get moving, energy instantly follows. We talked about having happy holidays and our gratitude to get back to regular routines and eating more healthfully. It was five minutes, that I stopped, maybe. And it was another half hour that I thought about her afterward.

She was so proud of her accomplishment and so inspired to continue making healthier choices in 2010. I thought about how, when we care for ourselves, we interact with the world differently. When we feel good about ourselves, we are good to others, because we are less likely to be caught up in feeling bad about ourselves and feeling bad in general. I wanted to help her, and a few others who I knew had made this their resolution. But how could I do this in some covert way?

The solution? A few weeks ago, I was looking for a new recipe and thumbing through old issues of Cooking Light. I love this magazine for recipe inspiration. The food is healthy, and the ads and articles seem less about superficial health and looking good and more about real health--about feeling good. So, if bought four gift subscriptions to various people, including the beautiful woman who I met on Sunday. I did not specify who they were from. I will, however, send cards wishing them an inspired, healthy, happy year. And at my sister's request, I will explain that Cooking Light is my favorite place to find inspiration for healthy meals (lest they think it a rude insinuation).

If you know of others who want to eat healthier, subscriptions to many magazines are on sale right now. If you don't have money, copy your favorite healthy recipe/s on pretty paper and give it out to people you know who are trying to be healthier. Start a healthy recipe exchange in your office. Cook for your family or friends, and set aside time to be grateful for another year of life.

May you be blessed with health and happiness this New Year! Happy cooking and acts of kindness!
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Here is one of my favorite healthy meals lately to serve as a side or main dish (from vegetariantimes.com):

Quinoa Salad with Orange-Cumin Vinaigrette

Vegetarian Times Issue: January 1, 2008 p.85 — Member Rating: -

This light winter salad makes a satisfying meal, thanks to quinoa, a whole grain that’s high in protein.

Ingredient List

Serves 4

• 1/3 cup sliced almonds
• 1 cup quinoa, rinsed and drained
• 1/4 tsp. salt
• 1/3 cup dried apricots, diced into small pieces
• 1/3 cup raisins
• 1/3 cup fresh orange juice
• 1 shallot, finely chopped (2 Tbs.)
• 2 Tbs. chopped fresh parsley
• 2 Tbs. chopped cilantro
• 2 Tbs. chopped fresh mint
• 1 Tbs. grated orange zest
• 1/2 tsp. ground cumin
• 1/2 tsp. ground coriander
• 2 Tbs. olive oil
• 2 oranges, peels sliced off and sections cut out

Directions

1. Toast almonds 4 to 5 minutes in dry skillet or toaster oven, or until pale brown and fragrant, stirring often.
2. Bring 2 cups water to a boil in medium saucepan. Add quinoa and salt, reduce heat to medium-low and simmer 15 minutes, or until tender and almost all water is absorbed. Drain, then transfer to large bowl. Toss with apricots and raisins.
3. Whisk together orange juice, shallot, parsley, cilantro, mint, orange zest, cumin, and coriander. Whisk in oil. Pour dressing over quinoa, and toss to coat. Garnish with orange slices and toasted almonds.

Nutritional Information Per SERVING: Calories: 383, Protein: 9g, Total fat: 13.5g, Saturated fat: 1.5g, Carbs: 61g, Cholesterol: mg, Sodium: 161mg, Fiber: 7g, Sugars: 22g

* I use what I have on hand for the nuts and dried fruit. Also, I rarely put in fresh chopped mint or parsley, but I love cilantro! I use this as a main dish served over arugula, or as a side served with tofu or chicken.

You Must Be The Change You Wish to See in the World

In 1954 John Steinbeck's novel Sweet Thursday was published.

In 1997 I was a senior in a small town high school and deeply longed for a different life.

Sweet Thursday was a sequel to Cannery Row, and acquired its title because Sweet Thursday is the day after Lousy Wednesday and the day before Waiting Friday.

Sweet Thursday took on an entirely different, and circuitously related meaning for me. Tired of the teen angst and apathy around me, I turned to books for an escape. Steinbeck's novels appealed to me because, although overly dramatic, I believed I was going through my own Great Depression. The Grapes of Wrath painted so honestly images of people who were persevering in the face of much greater troubles than mine. It was inspiring. So too, were the words of my mother, "Maybe the best way to forget about your own problems is to quit thinking about yourself and do something for someone else."

I heard her words, but wasn't ready to listen or act upon them. Instead, I checked out book after book by John Steinbeck from the public library. Eventually, I read Sweet Thursday. And I thought about how for many people Wednesdays were lousy and Fridays were the days people waited for the weekends. I thought about how a good portion of many people's lives were spent sourly waiting for moments they could call their own. For brief sparks of joy. For some small sweetness to satiate them. I decided to take my mom's advice and create a life not so much about my so called "hard times."

So, on Thursdays, I began practicing Random Acts of Kindness. Every week I had something to look forward to, a moment to create, some small and bright instant to illuminate my life.

This has been a hard winter, and before it winds up being the winter of my discontent, I better realize that Thursday is almost here. That there are 52 weeks in 2010-which means there are 52 opportunities to create moments of joy in the lives of those around me.

Maybe I won't change the world, but I'll settle for being the better version of myself.